Lot's of folks look back and can only think about what went wrong, what they didn't accomplish or try to forget the stupid things they did. Join the club. My "oh-oh" list is cringe worthy every year, I get it. My "want to" list has hardly anything crossed off, and if I walked more than I talked, I'd get a shit ton more accomplished.
As much as we want to click our heels together and wish away the election, our bad choices, and remove the tough times, we can't, and that's life. Life is an asshole sometimes, but it usually tries really hard to point us in the right direction, and quite frankly does some pretty fucking amazing things for us. Sometimes we have to pause everything, or just plain STOP and reflect on the good shit going on around us. I swear to a god of some sort there is more good than bad going on in the world if you just LOOK.
Recently pausing, thinking, reflecting and sharing my thoughts with some friends has really helped me out of a deep depression I was in right after Thanksgiving for a couple of weeks. Realizing how many positive things were happening around me or that could happen if I just tried, has dramatically shifted my mind set to seeing AND reminding me how fortunate I am. I shall spare you the braggy, gloppy, Look At Me Everybody holiday card. What I do want to share are some of my big nuggets of happy that remind me of the goodness I experienced and that there is plenty more where that came from.
I went to fucking EUROPE the beginning of 2016, helloooooo!?!?!? Jesus H, Molly, remember!?
I went to Ireland, worked on a god damn farm and experienced things that make my knees buckle with over powering giddiness. Dude, I made cheese, milked goats, rode horses, fed chickens and met amazing folks. I also went to Spain to drool over architecture I had only studied about, and stopped by Norway to visit an amazing human/friend/mother that felt like a dream on so many levels that it cannnot be explained with words .
Sure, I may have spent my savings, but you know what, I wouldn't change a thing because I WENT TO EUROPE AND MOST PEOPLE CAN'T.
I JUST started speaking to my father more frequently. Until this past Thanksgiving, I had only spoke to him once since August of 2015. I have spoken to him 2 more times since Thanksgiving and am planning on visiting him in February. He may not even realize anything was up, is moving on up, or dig that I just said that, if he even reads this blog. I speak of this because it brings out enormous feelings, including apprehension, but these feelings are rooted with the purest of intent, and deep respect. I am feeling hopeful, which terrifies me, but currently this makes me feel pretty fantastic.
My friendships have become stronger in every which way and my list of who I would take a bullet for has grown longer. I didn't think it was possible to love larger than I was for my dearest friends, but I was incorrect. My bonds with them have been solidified with such strength and depth that I cry reflecting on it. It is incomprehensible having a life without my closest friends and quite frankly I would not be here if it wasn't for them and their unconditional love. Many of my newly formed friendships already feel like warm sweater's and provide me with so much strength, inspiration and support that I don't want to curse it all by babbling about it too much.
2016 was full of all the sights, sounds, feelings and ingredients we all have going on at any given time. Happy, bright, dark, hopeful, sad, excited, scared, adored, pissed, insecure, aggravated, inpsired, bleak, loved, forgotten, amazing, valued, understood and most of all alive. I am trying like a MoFo to remind myself this is not a drive by situation going on. I am going to make a point to be in the mix of this life thing. I want to feel the prickly, the squishy, the sticky and the goodness that I am fortunate to be a part of because I CAN. Good, bad or ugly, life is happening and I am comitted to seeing possibility in every nook and cranny.
I have somewhat certainty that 2017 is going to be colossal. The anticipation of the upcoming year of brilliance is killing me, just like when we had to wait for a phone call on a land line. I want 2017 to know how happy I am to finally meet it, and tell it all about the cool things we are going to do, see, start, be apart of and take on. We are gonna need some kick in the pants, elbow grease and reminders of our kick assness, but this shit is so ON, it's not even up for debate. WE have each other, WE are strong and WE are alive. Let's do this.